


I hate you

by Mewlin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 18:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mewlin/pseuds/Mewlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whatever it was, even a hateful complain about what he did wrong, the only thing he wanted was hear her sweet voice again, just one more time. Maybe if he could, he wouldn’t feel as helpless as he felt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate you

**Author's Note:**

> I recently developed a love for this ship, and it makes me so sad I wanted to write something about them. I still think I have a long way to walk in this writing thing when English is not my first language, so sorry for all the grammar mistakes if I have them (you are free to correct me, don’t hesitate). 
> 
> Disclaimer: The character of Homestuck are not mine, they belong to Andrew Hussie.

It was warm when he went to visit her. It wasn’t windy, but he still felt the need to put on a sweater and a scarf. He did feel cold, even though there weren’t any clouds in the sky covering the sun. He probably felt that way because the huge trees in the place he were standing kept the place cold. Whatever the reason was, he was cold, and he was wearing his scarf, maybe because it made him remember. 

He went wondering if it was really okay. Time had passed away, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that every day of his life. He couldn’t stop thinking about her every day. Maybe that was the reason he was there hesitating in front of her, with a little flower in his left hand, just being insecure about what he was doing.

What was he doing, anyway? 

“I’m sorry I came here this late” he whispered. 

He did not get an answer. She did not reply, but he saw that coming since the beginning. It wasn’t easy at all, and he had his fears and his insecurities trying to let him down in the moment he stood in front of her. She was so beautiful and he was so stupid. He couldn’t stop blaming about what had happened between them, even though he knew she didn’t blame him for that. 

Nevertheless, when you lost someone you care about too much, the only way you can feel is guilty for what happened and stupid for all the words that left unspoken. And that was the way Eridan felt when he reached her but couldn’t say anything at the moment. He was so sorry, oh, and so sorrowful about everything. 

“Roxy, I…” he murmured. 

His eyes looked around in the desolated place he was. There were only trees, and a big field covered in green and soft grass. He sat down while the wind was waving his hair playful, and he putted the little flower in front of him so Roxy could look at how precious the flower was, and how much it reminded him of her because of that. He wasn’t sure about what he wanted to say, and how it was supposed to happen in order to help him, but the only thing he knew by that moment was how painfully was being without her, and how deep in his heart her loss hurt. 

“If only that night I had been with you… I bet I would have done better at taking care of you. I’m sorry, Roxy, I failed you”. 

And again, he did not receive and answer. Not that he was expecting one, anyway, although it would have been nice hear her voice again babbling all those nonsense things when she was drunk, or whispering all those lovely things she used to tell him when they used to stay up late watching how precious the moon was in the summer nights. Whatever it was, even a hateful complain about what he did wrong, the only thing he wanted was hear her sweet voice again, just one more time. Maybe if he could, he wouldn’t feel as helpless as he felt. 

Why, Roxy? He asked in his mind, but he couldn’t make the words come out of his mouth. It wasn’t her fault. She as well had her own problems, ones that seemed non-existent when she used to drink a lot of martinis to forget about everything. He never, not even by accident, tried to change that part of her. He knew it was dangerous, and her addiction was getting worse over the curse of the years, but he never meant to hurt her by ignoring that issue or fix her like a broken toy. He tried his best to support her in order to keep her away from those fucking martinis, but his best wasn’t enough to save her.

And he felt so melancholy about her death. He couldn’t save her, even though he promised her to treat her as his princess. He couldn’t be the prince charming who saves the day and manages to make the princess happy with his actions. He was just the lonely prince, who tried to save her, but he failed in the process, and now no one was there to save him this time. Not even he was able to save himself, and now, the only girl he cared that much was just there, lying buried in the ground, in her grave. 

“I hate you, Roxy” he said when the tears were coming string down his face. He tried to hide the fact he was crying like a baby, but he couldn’t bear how bad it felt her loss in his heart. He loved her that much that now, without her, loneliness was killing him, and he was so desperate until the point that he thought he would die from sadness. 

But it wasn’t quite like that. Somehow he knew no matter how much he wanted, it wasn’t the end of his life. While he was lying in the soft grass to make her company for a moment, he dried his tears with his scarf, the one that Roxy liked to take to make fun of how awful he looked dressed as a hipster to make him smile a little. He wanted her back, and he would fight against his fears and his low self-esteem if it was possible to bring her back to life. But it wasn’t, so the only thing he had left was a life, one he would keep living to enjoy all those things Roxy couldn’t anymore. 

But he kept on thinking he would reunite again with her, once he was able to fight his demons, he would return to her kindly arms again. He could be confused about a lot of things, but that was the only thing he knew for sure in that moment. 

“I hate you because I won’t be able to hug you when you’re sad again” he admitted shyly “and I hate you even more because I really, really miss you…” and then, putting on a smile in his face, he murmured “but mostly, I hate you because you left me here alone without asking me to go with you”.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think about the story, I really want to improve. And that’s it, I hope you liked it. And thank you for reading!


End file.
